Dear The GrayVine,
I’m wrestling with a decision and could really use some outside perspective.
My husband and I are both in our early 70s, and all these years we’ve lived in the same house where we raised our three kids. Now that they’re all grown up, married, and living in different states (none within driving distance, mind you), we’re finding the upkeep of the old family home is getting to be a bit much. The garden, the repairs, the cleaning—it all feels endless sometimes, and frankly, we’d like something a little easier to manage.
We’ve been tossing up the idea of selling up and moving to a more manageable unit or retirement village closer to friends and with good amenities, but every time we get serious about it, I feel overwhelmed with guilt. This house has so many memories—from all the birthdays, Christmases, school photos on the wall, including the little bumps and nicks on the doorframes and corners from little accidents. I know it sounds silly, but I feel like I’d be letting my children down if I sold it instead of keeping it in the family for future generations.
When I mentioned selling to my eldest, she sounded disappointed and said, “I always thought one of us (referring to her + her brothers) would end up with the house one day.” The truth is, none of them has shown much interest in moving back, and they all seem settled where they are. Still, there’s this feeling that I’m somehow robbing them of something special.
Am I being unreasonable for even thinking about selling? Should I feel guilty for choosing what’s best for us, rather than holding onto the home for our kids? I just can’t work out what’s fair.
Any advice or perspective would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Second-guessing
