Trust on the line—how far do you let them go? Image source: Pexels

Dear Friends,

I’m writing this with an uneasy heart and a touch of confusion, hoping to hear your perspective.

My teenage granddaughter recently asked if she could go on a sleepover at a classmate’s house. She’s been talking about it for days, excited, hopeful, even a little nervous, and I can tell it means a lot to her. The girl hosting seems polite enough from what I’ve heard, and I know these things are part of growing up. Still, something in me feels uneasy.

Maybe it’s because I was raised in a time when “sleepovers” weren’t such a common thing… or maybe it’s the world we live in now. I don’t know the girl’s parents well, and I have no way of knowing what kind of supervision will really be there. I trust my granddaughter to be a good girl, but I also know how easily kids can be influenced when they’re outside the safety of home.

When I gently brought up my hesitations, she looked crushed. She said I don’t trust her, and that I’m just being “old-fashioned.” I tried to explain it’s not about trust… it’s about love, and wanting to keep her safe. But I fear that if I say no, I’ll push her away at a time when I want nothing more than to stay close and involved in her life.

I want her to have fun, to make memories, and to feel supported. But I also want to draw the line in a way that protects her, not alienates her. I feel torn between being the “cool” grandma who says yes, and the responsible one who says no—or at least, not yet.

Am I being too strict? Too cautious? How do you say no in a way that doesn’t drive a teenager further away? I’d truly appreciate your wisdom.

Warmly,
A Worried Grandma

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