Side by side, but are we really together? Image source: Shutterstock

Hi GrayVine,

My husband retired two years ago. At first, I thought it would be a chance to travel, try new hobbies, finally take those long walks we always talked about. We used to joke about dancing in the kitchen with nowhere to be. I had dreams of us rediscovering each other.

But what actually happened? He planted himself in front of the television. Morning to night. He hardly talks. We eat meals in silence. He says he’s tired, that he’s earned his rest—but I feel like I lost my partner and gained a very quiet roommate.

I’ve tried nudging him. Suggested dance classes, travel clubs, even game night at the local rec center. I even planned a weekend getaway. He smiled politely and then turned back to his recliner. I go alone now. And every time I do, I wonder if this is just how it ends—not in divorce or drama, but in distance.

I’m still here. I still love him. But sometimes I feel lonelier now, in the same room with him, than I did when he used to work long shifts. At least then we missed each other. At least then I felt seen.

I don’t want to be ungrateful. He worked hard for our family. But don’t I deserve a life that still feels connected? Is it selfish to want more, or is it honest to admit this doesn’t feel like marriage anymore?

Feeling lonely beside someone I love,
Marriage or Roommates?

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