Front Porch Forum: “How do I lovingly set limits when my grandkids only seem to call when they need something?” (10/02/2025)

Emerald U. · Oct 2, 2025

Front Porch Forum: “How do I lovingly set limits when my grandkids only seem to call when they need something?” (10/02/2025)

Image source: MART PRODUCTION/Pexels

Gather ’round, GrayViners. Today’s letter comes from a grandparent who loves their grandkids dearly but worries about always being treated like the family bank. It’s a tender situation many might relate to—read their story below.

Dear TGV,

I love my grandchildren. Truly. But I can’t help noticing a pattern lately. Every time I get a call from one of them, it ends with a request. “Grandma, can you help with my car insurance this month?” “Do you mind covering the deposit?” “Just this once.” And of course, every time, I say yes. I say yes even when I shouldn’t. Even when I feel more like a bank than a grandmother.

They’re good kids. I know life is expensive. I remember being young and struggling. But sometimes I wonder if they’d call just to chat if they didn’t need anything. It hurts more than I expected—to feel useful, but not always loved.

I want to be generous, but I also want to feel like a person, not a transaction. How do I start setting boundaries without damaging our bond? Is it okay to say no gently, but firmly? Or do I risk becoming someone they stop calling entirely?

Trying to hold love and limits together,
ATM or Grandma?

If you were in their place, how would you handle it? Share your advice in the comments.

And if you’d like to start your own conversation, you can post your story here.

hawaiimegrl · Oct 2, 2025

Before agreeing to give them money, maybe ask them to pay you back if you do ?? Give them a time frame to pay it back. I think they won’t ask to borrow as often.

glojeans13 · Oct 2, 2025

Perhaps you could agree to pay half of what they need therefore, they need to be responsible to pay the other half. And also request that they pay it back in a certain amount of time and hold them to it. If they haven’t paid it on the date agreed upon call them and ask them for it.

Whisper · Oct 2, 2025

You could do a written contract, which would give them responsibility for the money and teach them that you are not easy cash with idle promises to pay you back

Gayle B. · Oct 2, 2025

Their behavior bothers me. Me and my brothers learned early on that if we wanted something we had to work for extra money. I’m not trying to be rude but I think they are very rude and treat you like an ATM. They don’t call to visit with you on the phone. They could FaceTime with you if they live out of town. Don’t feel bad for them. It’s fine to love them but not to feel used by them.

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