For many men, the subject of menopause once seemed distant, irrelevant, or even uncomfortable to discuss.

It was something their mothers endured silently, a chapter hidden behind closed doors and whispered about only in doctors’ offices.

But today, as women are speaking more openly about perimenopause and menopause, their husbands and partners are being pulled into the conversation. What is emerging is a shift not just in relationships, but in masculinity itself.


When Kurt Schaer’s wife, Denette, began experiencing night sweats, mood swings, and fatigue, he admits his first instinct was to dismiss it.

Raised in a home where a husband provided and emotions were sidelined, he thought she could simply push through it. But watching his wife of three decades suffer changed his perspective.

“I needed to find compassion and empathy,” Schaer says. “Nothing in life I would have my wife walk through by herself. I had to figure how to help.”

He began with practical steps, lowering the thermostat, setting up fans on her side of the bed, and buying a white noise machine so she could rest.


He took on more housework, researched hormone therapy, and most importantly, began to listen without judgment.

For Schaer, supporting his wife through perimenopause wasn’t just about managing symptoms—it was about redefining what it meant to be a husband. The couple now says their relationship is stronger than ever, grounded in empathy and vulnerability.

This generational shift is becoming more visible across society. Men are showing up to medical appointments, joining menopause retreats, and even creating videos about supporting their partners.

Some add humor, like the husband who nicknamed his wife’s symptoms “Agnes,” while others approach it with urgency and a sense of duty.

Experts point out that men who grew up with fathers who ignored menopause are now realizing how little they understood about what their own mothers endured. This time, they want to do better.


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Bringing men into the menopause conversation is vital, says Tamsen Fadal, author of How to Menopause. She notes that the stigma surrounding menopause has long forced women to mask their struggles with shame.

But silence has consequences: nearly seven in ten women in the UK say perimenopause or menopause contributed to their divorce. By helping men understand symptoms like memory lapses, fatigue, or declining libido, couples can prevent isolation and conflict—and instead build deeper intimacy.

Some men are finding their voices in unexpected ways. Jesse Robertson, a father of two, stumbled upon a podcast on menopause and began asking questions on his TikTok channel.

The overwhelming response from women encouraged him to continue sharing what he was learning, not as an expert but as a partner trying to understand.

“It’s allowed me to have more vulnerable conversations with her,” Robertson says. “If I can talk to her about this, we can talk about anything.” For him, menopause became not a wedge in his marriage but a bridge.



Of course, not every story has the same ending. Todd Maxwell admits that when his wife began showing symptoms at age 40, he dismissed her hot flashes with jokes and downplayed her fatigue.

Doctors brushed her off too, and by the time Maxwell understood how much she was struggling, their marriage had unraveled. “I told her that I’m really sorry it took me this long to realize that I could have been more helpful,” he says.

Now in therapy, Maxwell is determined to learn more—not just for his wife, but for his children. Experts say that recognizing menopause as more than “mood swings” is critical. Trainer Dave Maher explains that hormonal shifts affect not just emotions but long-term health, from heart disease to Alzheimer’s risk.

“It’s insulting for us to tell midlife women to just eat less and move more,” he says. “Men need to wake up. This affects their wives, sisters, and daughters.” Understanding menopause, Maher insists, is about protecting quality of life in the decades ahead.

For Schaer, the journey has changed him in ways he never expected. “My generation of men was taught, ‘Bro, work hard. Come home. Try to make your kid’s sports games if you can’ and you’re golden,” he reflects. “But that’s not enough.”


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Learning to love his wife through perimenopause required new patience, humility, and openness—and in the process, he believes it refined their marriage.

“You are going to step up and learn to love in ways you didn’t know you could,” he says. “I love my wife more today than when I met her.”

Menopause may still be misunderstood, but it is no longer invisible. The men stepping into this conversation are redefining masculinity not as stoicism or distance, but as presence, empathy, and courage.

They are discovering that love is not about who they were decades ago, but about how they are willing to grow today. And in doing so, they are not just supporting their partners—they are transforming themselves.

Read next: Understanding Perimenopause so you can support your loved ones better
Do you think men should be more openly involved in the menopause conversation, and would that change relationships for the better? Share your thoughts in the comments.