[Emerald U.]

Front Porch Forum: “Am I wrong for honoring a promise even if it hurt someone’s feelings?” (08/14/2025)​

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Gather 'round, GrayViners! Today's letter sender needs your advice. Read their letter below:

Hi everyone,
I’m an older gal who’s never posted here before, but my friend said who is also a member this would be a good place to get an honest perspective, so here goes

I’m 72F, and I have two grandchildren—both 18, twins, just graduated high school. A few years back, when they were starting 9th grade, I made them a promise: if they kept their grades up (a B average or better across high school), I’d pay for their college tuition at the school of their choice (within reason). I even said they could have one bad semester without it counting against them. I thought that was more than fair.

Well, my granddaughter took that promise seriously. She worked hard, kept up her grades, and even picked up a part-time job in her senior year. She had a rocky fall semester sophomore year when her best friend moved away, but she bounced back and stayed on track.

My grandson, on the other hand, seemed to lose motivation almost right away. His grades were consistently low—not for lack of intelligence (he actually scores well on tests), but because he simply wouldn’t do his assignments. I offered help—tutors, study groups, even tried to create a quiet study space at my house—but he wasn’t interested. He’d shrug off my reminders and say school just “wasn’t his thing.”

Graduation came around, and my granddaughter was accepted to a great state university. True to my word, I wrote the check for her first year’s tuition and told her how proud I was. My grandson? He didn’t qualify for the deal, though I still gave him a generous graduation gift and offered to help him if he decided to go to community college or get a certificate.

Now, he’s upset. His mother—my daughter-in-law—is saying I’m playing favorites, and he’s barely spoken to me or his sister since. I feel sad about that, of course, but I also believe in keeping promises and teaching responsibility. I didn’t expect to feel this conflicted, though.

Sincerely,
A Grandma Trying to Be Fair

If you were in their shoes, what would YOU do? Let us know your thoughts in the comments! Want to start a conversation yourself? Share your stories here.

 

[angib55]

He is the one that failed not his sister. She studied did the work and got the grades. You shouldn't feel bad about rewarding her. He should've tried harder. Chances are he won't be able to get into a school if he has bad grades. He knew the rules and so did your daughter. lt is not showing favorites when he didn't do the work. When we did our chores around the house, our mom would pay or treat us. My brother lost out on a lot because he wouldn't do or half-a-- the work. He would get mad when he wasn't paid too, This was back in the 60's so it wasn't a lot of money but l came out on the good side.

 

[NIBOR0]

Your Granddaughter kept the good grades and showed fortitude and commitment. My Grandmother always told me to go to school, get good grades and go to college. She told me that an education is only something you can do and nobody can take it away from you. I lived by that philosophy all of my life. I graduated college and even went back to school to get my Master's when I was 51 years old. You don't owe your Grandson anything. Let him be mad and learn a lesson that life is hard and that you have to work for what you want.