Dear TGV,
I never thought I’d be in this position, but here I am, feeling caught between my own wishes and my family’s expectations.
I’m getting older, and I admit some things just aren’t as easy as they used to be. After a recent fall, my doctor suggested I consider having help around the house, someone to cook, tidy up, maybe keep an eye on me. My granddaughter, bless her, surprised me by offering to move in and care for me full-time. She said she’d even quit her job, pack up her apartment, and make sure I was never alone.
I know her heart is in the right place, but I worry she’s rushing into this for the wrong reasons. She’s young, building a life, and her job is finally taking off after years of struggle. I remember telling her as a child that she could be anything she wanted if she just worked hard enough. Now, the thought of her putting all that aside for me leaves me uneasy and guilty. I don’t want her to miss out on life or resent me down the road.
I suggested hiring a professional caregiver instead of someone with training, someone I can send home at the end of the day. That way, she can visit as my granddaughter, not my nurse. But she took it hard. Said it felt like I was rejecting her love, or choosing a stranger over family. Now, my daughter is weighing in too, reminding me of all the times we said “family looks out for family”.
The truth is, I value my independence, and I don’t want anyone, especially someone I love, giving up their future for my present. But now there are tense phone calls, and I’m starting to wonder: Am I being selfish, or just practical? Has anyone else had to make this kind of choice? Did it work out, or do you wish you’d done things differently?
Part of me wonders if deep down, I’m just scared of letting anyone, family or not, see me at my most vulnerable. Maybe I’m the one who needs to let go.
Looking for honest advice,
Choosing Care
