[Emerald U.]

Front Porch Forum: “How do I handle a friend who keeps commenting on my widowhood like it’s a lifestyle choice?” (11/06/2025)​

Image source: RDNE Stock project/Pexels

Gather ’round, GrayViners. Today’s letter comes from someone navigating life after loss and dealing with well-meaning friends who may be pushing a little too hard. Read their story below.

Hello,

I lost my husband four years ago. Since then, I’ve been learning how to live on my own again. Some days, I do just fine. Other days, I still catch myself setting the table for two.

A friend of mine, whom I’ve known for decades, seems to think she knows exactly what I should be doing with my life now. She’s constantly saying things like, “You need to get out more,” or “You should try dating again before it’s too late.” I know she means well, but it’s wearing me down. I don’t need constant reminders that I’m alone. I already know.

The last time she brought it up, I told her I wasn’t ready to date, and she laughed and said, “You’ll never be ready if you keep hiding behind grief.” That one really stung.

I’m torn between confronting her about it or just creating some distance. I don’t want to lose a friend, but I also don’t want to feel like a project every time we meet.

Is it fair to expect sensitivity from people who’ve never lived through loss? Or am I asking too much?

Sincerely,
Uninvited Opinions

What do you think, GrayViners? Should “Uninvited Opinions” set clearer boundaries—or try to see things from her friend’s side? Have you ever had someone mean well but miss the mark? Share your thoughts and advice below. And if you’ve got your own story or question, start a new conversation here.

 

[Treetops]

I can`t say, I get it.... I don`t have pushy friends who give uninvited advice. I think, I`d just respond, with, when I see a man who, stands up to my standards, that my husband set, then I`ll give them a chance. If it`s meant to be, it will present itself. When we`re older, we`re not looking with the same set of interests as when we were young. Now we just want to make sure they still have a pulse. Eight yrs for me, December, and probably going out, the way I came in. Good luck

 

[Gayle B.]

I can`t say, I get it.... I don`t have pushy friends who give uninvited advice. I think, I`d just respond, with, when I see a man who, stands up to my standards, that my husband set, then I`ll give them a chance. If it`s meant to be, it will present itself. When we`re older, we`re not looking with the same set of interests as when we were young. Now we just want to make sure they still have a pulse. Eight yrs for me, December, and probably going out, the way I came in. Good luck

I’m not a widow. I do however agree with your comments. I hope we find out if this suggestion will help.

 

[NIBOR0]

When my folks sold their RV that had lived in and traveled in for years, They bought a new house. They were snow birds so for the first 3 months after they bought their home to retire in, in Sun City West. When they moved down permantely and started meeting their neighbors, my Mom kept referring to the lady next door "The Widow" next door. I asked her to stop calling her that and asked what her name was. I don't like to define people with labels because then they are expected to act like one. I think they just need to know your name.