[Emerald U.]

Front Porch Forum: “How do I lovingly set limits when my grandkids only seem to call when they need something?” (10/02/2025)​

Image source: MART PRODUCTION/Pexels

Gather ’round, GrayViners. Today’s letter comes from a grandparent who loves their grandkids dearly but worries about always being treated like the family bank. It’s a tender situation many might relate to—read their story below.

Dear TGV,

I love my grandchildren. Truly. But I can’t help noticing a pattern lately. Every time I get a call from one of them, it ends with a request. “Grandma, can you help with my car insurance this month?” “Do you mind covering the deposit?” “Just this once.” And of course, every time, I say yes. I say yes even when I shouldn’t. Even when I feel more like a bank than a grandmother.

They’re good kids. I know life is expensive. I remember being young and struggling. But sometimes I wonder if they’d call just to chat if they didn’t need anything. It hurts more than I expected—to feel useful, but not always loved.

I want to be generous, but I also want to feel like a person, not a transaction. How do I start setting boundaries without damaging our bond? Is it okay to say no gently, but firmly? Or do I risk becoming someone they stop calling entirely?

Trying to hold love and limits together,
ATM or Grandma?

If you were in their place, how would you handle it? Share your advice in the comments.

And if you’d like to start your own conversation, you can post your story here.