[Emerald U.]

Front Porch Forum: “Should I pick a side when two relatives are fighting, or stay neutral and risk losing both?” (10/30/2025)​

Image source: Yan Krukau/Pexels

Family feuds can cut deep—and today’s letter hits close to home. One of our GrayViners is caught between two cousins she loves like sisters, and their rift is tearing the whole family apart. Read her letter below:

Hello, TGV,

Two of my closest cousins, who are more like sisters to me, recently had a terrible falling out. The argument started over something as small as dividing up family heirlooms after their mother passed, but it has spiraled into full-blown hostility. They aren’t speaking, they’re unfriending each other on Facebook, and they’ve started trying to pull the rest of the family into their feud.

The problem is, I love them both. I’ve been listening to each of them vent, trying to offer empathy without judgment. But it’s exhausting. Every phone call feels like walking through a minefield. If I say something supportive to one, the other gets upset and accuses me of “taking sides.” If I stay quiet, they both say I’m being passive. I feel stuck in a role I never asked for.

Family means a lot to me, but lately, I’ve found myself avoiding family gatherings altogether just to escape the tension. I’m tired of being the referee, but I also don’t want to lose the connection we’ve all had for decades.

How do I stay neutral without seeming uncaring? Or is neutrality just a polite word for taking no stand at all?

Sincerely,
Caught in the Middle

What do you think, GrayViners? Should Caught in the Middle keep trying to stay neutral—or is it time to draw a line for her own peace? Have you ever been pulled into someone else’s family drama? Share how you handled it below—or start a new conversation if there’s something weighing on your mind.

 

[NIBOR0]

Throw your hands up and tell them you'll have nothing to do with their feud. Hopefully, at some point they can reconcile.