[Emerald U.]

Front Porch Forum: "Am I being unreasonable for wanting a holiday away from my other half?" (07/31/2025)​

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Gather 'round, GrayViners! Today’s letter comes from someone facing a tricky situation. Take a look below:

Dear The GrayVine,

I read "Fed Up In Florida's" story, and their story encouraged me to write anonymously as well. So, I’m hoping you can help me make sense of something that’s been playing on my mind lately.

My husband and I have been together for just over 40 years, and for most of that time, we’ve done practically everything side by side—raised kids, worked hard, retired, and of course, gone on countless holidays as a couple. While I love him dearly, I’m starting to feel a longing for a bit of space and independence.

Recently, a good friend invited me on a "girls only" getaway—just a few days in the country, some sightseeing, a bit of pampering, and lots of laughs. When I told my husband, he seemed genuinely hurt and a bit bewildered. He took it as a sign that I don’t enjoy his company or that something is wrong in our marriage. That’s not it at all! I simply want to experience something different for myself, reconnect with my friends, and have a little adventure on my own terms.

I suggested maybe he could plan a golfing trip with his buddies while I’m away, but he keeps saying, “Why would we want to holiday apart?” Now I’m second-guessing myself. Am I selfish for wanting separate holidays after all these years? Is it odd for couples our age to do things on their own, or is it perfectly normal to crave a bit of independence after so much time together?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Am I being unreasonable for wanting a holiday away from my other half?

Warm regards,

Need Some Space

Now, what would you do in their shoes? Share your thoughts in the comments! Want to start a conversation yourself? Share your stories here.

 

[Arkie98]

I would again try and explain to him that even though we are a couple we still need some space. Every one needs a time out and as long as there is no hanky panky what harm is there? Would do you both good to have a time out. Then when return home look at all the experiences you could share. Might even enrich your marriage. Girls get away so much fun massages spa day shopping etc. And your hubby could enjoy a golf outing

 

[angib55]

l had 2 friends that we always would do something together. We all worked and were married so it was usually once a month for lunch/dinner. We live in IN and then 1 moved to SC. We decided to go on a girl's trip. We met in Pigeon Forge and had a great time. We kept in touch with hubbys every day with phone calls in the evening but that was all. The lunches that we had were so different than a whole week but it worked out for us. We all had a great time and the hubbys found out what we actually do at home and appreciated us even more now. Even our kids appreciated us more

 

[Gayle B.]

I’m sorry but I can’t relate to your situation. We spent 20 years alone while serving in the Air Force. We were not blessed with children. We survived 7 months of carbon monoxide poisoning over 5 years ago. We had said our final goodbyes to each other. It was that real! In September we will celebrate our 53 anniversary. We have lived far from family and rely on each other for everything basically. Being side by side is the only way we want our lives to be. It works for us and have never been bored with each other’s company or have run out of conversation. We literally want to be in matching recliners till we die. I know this doesn’t help you but still wanted to share our story.

 

[NIBOR0]

I'm currently with my 3rd husband. He and I can go a whole day sitting next to each other not saying a word. Don't get me wrong, we love each other dearly and he's the only man I could have had this experience with (Not either of my last 2 husbands) I wish I lived closer to my girlfriend but don't so it's just him and me. We are homebodies and don't go anywhere. I've had some major medical issues over the last few years and he took great care of me and now, for the last year he has needed me to care for him (broke his ankle a year last April, couldn't get the surgery scheduled until January of this year and is still getting Pt twice a week) I know in my heart if I wanted to get away with the girls for a week or weekend, he wouldn't have a problem with it. As we are on social security, there is no way I could afford something like that. Reassure your husband of your love and commitment and go away with your friends. You will have lots to talk about when you get back home and if he loves you now he'll love you when you return. I can't wait to hear about your trip!