[Sophia M.]

Front Porch Forum: "Is it too late to reconnect with the daughter I haven’t spoken to in decades?" (08/26/2025)​

Years apart, but is there still time to find each other? Image source: iStock

Pull up a seat, GrayViners. “A Father With a Heavy Past” is carrying the weight of missed years and wondering if it’s too late to reach for a second chance with his daughter. Read on and share: Is there ever a right time to come back after so much absence?

Dear The GrayVine,

I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I’m fishing for forgiveness. I don’t even know that I deserve it. I wasn’t there. Not for her scraped knees, not for her piano recitals, not for her wedding. I wasn’t even there for her mother’s funeral. The choices I made in my younger years were selfish and full of blinders. I told myself I was doing what was best. But now that the noise of life has quieted, I see it all for what it really was: cowardice, regret, and missed chances.

I recently came across her name in a community newsletter. She’s a teacher now, just like her mom once was. That small detail knocked the wind out of me. It made me think of bedtime stories, of spelling tests I never helped her study for, of the life I abandoned. She’s living nearby. She’s a real person with a real life. I could write. I could call. But would it just be for me? To ease my guilt? Or is there still something left for us to build, no matter how small?

Some nights, I rehearse the conversation in my head. Other nights, I cry just from seeing her childhood photo in my wallet. I know I can't make up for lost time. But maybe I can offer presence now, instead of silence.

Still hoping,
A Father With a Heavy Past

What do you think, GrayViners? Have you ever tried to rebuild a relationship after years of silence, or opened the door to someone who had been gone too long? What wisdom would you offer here? Share your thoughts and experiences below. And if you’re holding your own story close to the chest, start a conversation here.

 

[smcaul2]

My kids father did the same. I hated him for all of the tears he caused. He came around when the girls were over 18 and my son was 17. I had my first grandbaby around the same time. I wanted to put him in the ground but the girls wanted to get to know him. My son was ambivalent. So long story short, he did a decent job for the grands. I guess a leopard can change their spots but I never forgave him. But, it wasn't about me.
So reach out but don't expect forgiveness. And if she says no let that be the end. Make sure she has your contact info for if she ever changes her mind. And apologize no matter what.

 

[NIBOR0]

At least reach out. If she doesn't want a relationship, just drop it. I left my 6-year-old daughter for another man (my 2nd husband) and I know my daughter has never forgiven me. I was invited to her high school graduation and I went. I was also invited to her 2nd wedding and I went. I showed up when each of her 2 children were born. She knows how to contact me but I never hear anything from the grandkids and she never initiates contact. I know I did the best I could but it wasn't good enough. So I let things lie where they are for now. You never know, maybe one day my grandkids will want to reach out and get to know me. I know my daughter doesn't.