[Sophia M.]

Front Porch Forum: "Would I be letting friends down by backing out of a group trip just to recharge at home?" (09/23/2025)​

Seven days at sea—or seven days to breathe? Image source: Pexels

Pull up a seat, GrayViners! “Cruise Or Catch My Breath” is torn between honoring a long-planned trip with lifelong friends and honoring her own need for quiet. When the calendar says celebration but your heart says rest, what do you do?

Hi TGV,

We’ve been planning this cruise for almost a year now. Six of us, all friends since our early forties, ready to hit the open seas with cocktails and card games and sunsets galore. It’s supposed to be a celebration of our friendship, our retirement, our “we made it” moment. And yet, as the date gets closer, I find myself getting more anxious than excited. I’m not sleeping well. My chest feels tight when I think about the crowds, the constant schedule, the small talk.

I mentioned to one friend that I might need to cancel, and she immediately said, “We’ve already paid. You can’t bail.” I understand that. I would be disappointed, too. But am I supposed to go and smile through seven days of something my heart clearly isn’t in? I feel guilty. These are my people. They’ve been there through marriages, divorces, kids, surgeries. And now, just when we’re all finally free to celebrate, I’m the one pulling away.

But this isn’t about flaking. It’s about needing quiet, about honoring what my mind and body are asking for. I want to be a good friend. But I also want to be honest about what I can handle. So is it selfish to choose solitude over shared memories? Or is it the kindest thing I can do for them and for myself?

My suitcase is still empty. But my head is full of questions.

Just needing room to breathe,
Cruise Or Catch My Breath

What do you think, GrayViners? Have you ever stepped back from a plan with friends to protect your own peace of mind? How did you find the balance between loyalty and self-care? Share your thoughts and stories below. And if you’ve got a dilemma weighing on you, start a conversation here.

 

[bear4244]

Do what makes you happy.