Stewing up some problems–Was this woman financially abused?
In the intricate dance of relationships, the steps we take can sometimes lead us into complex territory, where the boundaries between care and control blur.
This is especially true when it comes to the delicate balance of supporting a partner with autism, where understanding and accommodation of “safe foods” can become a pivotal part of daily life.
But what happens when the need for such accommodations intersects with financial strain?
This is the story of one woman's journey through the maze of her boyfriend's dietary needs, her budget, and the revelation of potential financial abuse.
Understanding “Safe Foods” and Autism
For many individuals on the autism spectrum, sensory sensitivities can make eating a challenging experience.
“Safe foods” are those that are consistent in texture, flavor, and presentation, providing a sense of security and predictability. These foods can serve as a lifeline in a world that often feels overwhelming, as they offer a reliable sensory experience and can be used as a tool for self-regulation.
A social media user shared her dilemma of accidentally ruining her autistic boyfriend's “safe food” by using an ingredient he thought he disliked. Image source: tomateoignons / Pexels.
The tale begins with a social media post by user “stewlessinseattle”, who shared her predicament of inadvertently “ruining” her autistic boyfriend's “safe food.”
Her boyfriend's culinary comfort zone was a specific beef tips and vegetable stew from a local eatery—a dish that came with a hefty price tag of $47 for a large bowl, with no option for smaller, more budget-friendly portions.
Source: @stewlessinseattle / Reddit.
The cost was causing financial strain, as her boyfriend's aversion to leftovers meant that much of the expensive stew went to waste.
In an attempt to reconcile her boyfriend's dietary needs with their financial reality, user “stewlessinseattle” took to the kitchen, dissecting the takeout stew and crafting a homemade version that initially received her boyfriend's seal of approval.
However, the revelation that tomato paste—a food he claimed to despise—was a key ingredient in her recipe led to a dramatic fallout.
Her boyfriend felt betrayed and accused her of not taking his “safe foods” seriously, leading to a refusal to eat the homemade stew and a return to the costly takeout orders.
As the stew standoff continued, the situation took a turn when user “stewlessinseattle” asked the restaurant and discovered that the original takeout stew also contained the contentious tomato paste.
Instead of resolving the issue, this revelation deepened the rift, with her boyfriend sulking and avoiding the stew altogether. His sister even accused user “stewlessinseattle” of selfishness and vindictiveness for “taking away” his favorite food.
The online community weighed in, with many expressing sympathy for the boyfriend's initial reaction but concern over his prolonged and punitive behavior.
Some users pointed out that, beyond the issue of “safe foods,” the situation raised red flags for financial abuse.
The boyfriend's insistence on the expensive stew, coupled with his refusal to compromise or consider the financial implications, suggested a pattern of control and manipulation that extended beyond dietary preferences.
Financial abuse is a form of control that can manifest in various ways, from restricting a partner's access to money to dictating how they spend it.
It often goes unrecognized because it can be subtle and intertwined with other aspects of a relationship. In this case, the boyfriend's rigid demands for the expensive stew, at the expense of their shared financial health, could be interpreted as a form of financial abuse.
The challenge for user “stewlessinseattle”, and for many partners of individuals with autism, lies in balancing respect for their partner's needs with the practicalities of life, including financial constraints.
It's essential to approach such situations with empathy, open communication, and a willingness to find solutions that honor both partners' needs.
What do you think about this situation? Is she being unreasonable? Have you faced a similar situation? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
