This man wrote his own goodbye—Prepare for tears of pain…and joy?
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At The GrayVine, we’ve read our share of obituaries, but rarely do we come across one that’s as witty, self-aware, and downright haunting as the final words of Gary Wolfelt, a 72-year-old Indiana man who seemed to have a sixth sense about his own mortality.
Gary’s story isn’t just about how he died—it’s about how he lived, laughed, and stared down danger with a twinkle in his eye.
A Life Lived on the Edge—And Laughed About
Gary Wolfelt’s life was a patchwork of close calls, near-misses, and brushes with fate that would make even the most daring among us wince.
He spent 17 years perfecting his beloved single-engine Express 2000 FT plane, only to lose his life in it on May 5th in Ashland, Ohio.
But Gary, ever the pragmatist (and humorist), had already prepared for this moment. He wrote his own obituary, ready to be published whenever fate finally caught up.
“Hello. I am Gary. I am completely dead now. I am surprised that it took this long to happen,” he began, setting the tone for a farewell that was as much a celebration as it was a goodbye.
Gary’s “Great Escapes”: A Catalog of Calamities
Gary’s obituary reads like a highlight reel of calamities, each one recounted with a wink and a punchline.
As a boy, he took a fly ball to the head during a baseball game—his team, he joked, went 0-20 that season, so the injury didn’t even buy them a win.
In his twenties, he was kicked in the gut by his sister’s horse, and he mused that if the hoof had landed any higher, “my heart probably would have stopped.”
The misadventures didn’t stop there. In his thirties, Gary was hit by a car—his own fault, he admitted, for crossing against the light.
Also read: A final salute—Pearl Harbor’s oldest witness leaves a legacy at 106
“It really knocked me hell bent for election. But I got up and brushed it off and went home with a torn up coat and kind of sore. Lucky me!”
In his forties, a collapsing building nearly crushed him, but a brick chimney missed him by about ten feet.
In his fifties, he tumbled down 19 stairs at work, only to have a 100-pound safe land on top of him. “That one was the worst!” he wrote. “I didn’t get any body parts broken and no internal injuries. But I couldn’t even pick up my own feet to get into bed for about a week. Thank god for pain killing drugs!”
Even in his sixties, Gary wasn’t done tempting fate. He fell ten feet off a scaffold, cracked his skull, and—while getting checked out—discovered he had prostate cancer.
Also read: Remembering Samuel French: Actor from "Killers of the Flower Moon" dies at 45
“Dodged another bullet,” he quipped. The cancer was caught early, but later surgery led to a near-fatal internal leak. “One more close call late in life!”
A Sense of Humor to the End
Gary’s obituary is more than a list of accidents—it’s a masterclass in finding humor in the face of adversity.
Source: Soller-Baker Funeral Homes, Inc. / Facebook.
He poked fun at his own mortality, writing, “I cannot tell you here what sort of event actually killed me as I wrote this obituary before I was completely dead. Someone else will have to fill in the details later on I guess.”
He also took a moment to apologize to anyone he “might have offended or mistreated,” admitting, “The truth is that I was far from a perfect human, although I did try to learn from my mistakes and shortcomings as I grew older.”
A Life Full of Love and Accomplishment
Gary’s story isn’t just about his brushes with death.
He was the owner and president of Wolfelt Electronic Security for 27 years, a graduate of Purdue’s School of Aviation Technology, and a devoted husband to Esther Chosnek, whom he met in Las Vegas in 1982.
Source: 19 News / Youtube.
Esther added her own words to his obituary, sharing his accomplishments and the love they shared.
Instead of a funeral, Gary requested that friends and family take themselves out to dinner in his honor—no flowers, just a good meal and a toast to a life well-lived. A celebration of life was scheduled for May 19th.
And if you’re inspired by Gary’s approach, maybe it’s time to jot down a few words of your own. After all, as Gary proved, you never know when your story will become a legend.
A similar story: He wrote the ending himself—Esteemed producer breaks the news of his own passing
Gary’s story got us thinking—what would you want your loved ones to know about you? Have you ever had a close call that changed your perspective? Do you have a story that your family loves to retell at gatherings? We’d love to hear your thoughts and memories. Share your stories in the comments below!
Gary’s story isn’t just about how he died—it’s about how he lived, laughed, and stared down danger with a twinkle in his eye.
A Life Lived on the Edge—And Laughed About
Gary Wolfelt’s life was a patchwork of close calls, near-misses, and brushes with fate that would make even the most daring among us wince.
He spent 17 years perfecting his beloved single-engine Express 2000 FT plane, only to lose his life in it on May 5th in Ashland, Ohio.
But Gary, ever the pragmatist (and humorist), had already prepared for this moment. He wrote his own obituary, ready to be published whenever fate finally caught up.
“Hello. I am Gary. I am completely dead now. I am surprised that it took this long to happen,” he began, setting the tone for a farewell that was as much a celebration as it was a goodbye.
Gary Wolfelt, a 72-year-old from Indiana, died in a plane crash after perfecting his single-engine Express 2000 FT aircraft for 17 years. He wrote his own obituary. Image source: Soller-Baker Funeral Homes, Inc. / Facebook.
Gary’s “Great Escapes”: A Catalog of Calamities
Gary’s obituary reads like a highlight reel of calamities, each one recounted with a wink and a punchline.
As a boy, he took a fly ball to the head during a baseball game—his team, he joked, went 0-20 that season, so the injury didn’t even buy them a win.
In his twenties, he was kicked in the gut by his sister’s horse, and he mused that if the hoof had landed any higher, “my heart probably would have stopped.”
The misadventures didn’t stop there. In his thirties, Gary was hit by a car—his own fault, he admitted, for crossing against the light.
Also read: A final salute—Pearl Harbor’s oldest witness leaves a legacy at 106
“It really knocked me hell bent for election. But I got up and brushed it off and went home with a torn up coat and kind of sore. Lucky me!”
In his forties, a collapsing building nearly crushed him, but a brick chimney missed him by about ten feet.
In his fifties, he tumbled down 19 stairs at work, only to have a 100-pound safe land on top of him. “That one was the worst!” he wrote. “I didn’t get any body parts broken and no internal injuries. But I couldn’t even pick up my own feet to get into bed for about a week. Thank god for pain killing drugs!”
Even in his sixties, Gary wasn’t done tempting fate. He fell ten feet off a scaffold, cracked his skull, and—while getting checked out—discovered he had prostate cancer.
Also read: Remembering Samuel French: Actor from "Killers of the Flower Moon" dies at 45
“Dodged another bullet,” he quipped. The cancer was caught early, but later surgery led to a near-fatal internal leak. “One more close call late in life!”
A Sense of Humor to the End
Gary’s obituary is more than a list of accidents—it’s a masterclass in finding humor in the face of adversity.
Source: Soller-Baker Funeral Homes, Inc. / Facebook.
He poked fun at his own mortality, writing, “I cannot tell you here what sort of event actually killed me as I wrote this obituary before I was completely dead. Someone else will have to fill in the details later on I guess.”
He also took a moment to apologize to anyone he “might have offended or mistreated,” admitting, “The truth is that I was far from a perfect human, although I did try to learn from my mistakes and shortcomings as I grew older.”
A Life Full of Love and Accomplishment
Gary’s story isn’t just about his brushes with death.
He was the owner and president of Wolfelt Electronic Security for 27 years, a graduate of Purdue’s School of Aviation Technology, and a devoted husband to Esther Chosnek, whom he met in Las Vegas in 1982.
Source: 19 News / Youtube.
Esther added her own words to his obituary, sharing his accomplishments and the love they shared.
Instead of a funeral, Gary requested that friends and family take themselves out to dinner in his honor—no flowers, just a good meal and a toast to a life well-lived. A celebration of life was scheduled for May 19th.
And if you’re inspired by Gary’s approach, maybe it’s time to jot down a few words of your own. After all, as Gary proved, you never know when your story will become a legend.
A similar story: He wrote the ending himself—Esteemed producer breaks the news of his own passing
Gary’s story got us thinking—what would you want your loved ones to know about you? Have you ever had a close call that changed your perspective? Do you have a story that your family loves to retell at gatherings? We’d love to hear your thoughts and memories. Share your stories in the comments below!
