What’s your excuse? You won’t believe these 36 hilarious excuses people actually used!
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We’ve all been there: caught in a pickle, running late, or just not in the mood—and suddenly, you’re scrambling for an excuse.
But while most of us stick to the classics (“traffic was terrible!” or “I wasn’t feeling well”), some folks take the art of the excuse to a whole new, laugh-out-loud level.
At The GrayVine, we believe laughter is the best medicine—especially when it comes to the creative ways people try to wriggle out of life’s little responsibilities.
So, pour yourself a cup of coffee, settle in, and prepare to giggle your way through 37 of the funniest, most outrageous, and downright inventive excuses ever uttered. And don’t forget to share your own in the comments—because we know you’ve got a few gems up your sleeve!
1. The Family Affair Gone Wrong
“My cousin once called out of work because of a ‘death in the family.’ Since I was her boss, it was a pretty lame excuse.” (From Reddit)
2. High-Stakes Rent
“I only had half the rent. So I went up to the casino to try to double my money.” (Mikki Sams, Everett, WA)
3. The Great Towel Caper
“I’m not coming to work. Someone stole my towels from the laundry room, and I’m going to track them down.” (From Reddit)
4. Gymtimidation
“No, I need to lose a few pounds before I go back to the gym.” (Sandra Curran, Vero Beach, FL)
5. Quidditch Practice
“My high school classmates told a teacher they had to leave early for Quidditch practice. She let them go—she’d never heard of it!” (From Reddit)
6. Resurrection Blues
“My new hire said her mother died and needed time off. A week later, she said, ‘Good news: my mother came back to life. Bad news: she’s sick again, so I have to stay home.’” (Benjamin Weber, Cincinnati, OH)
7. The Crooked Muffler
“I can’t make it today. My muffler… is to the left.” (From Reddit)
Also read: Seniors swear by these surprising secrets to staying happy alone—Millennials can’t believe what they’ve been missing
8. The Technicality
“Why didn’t you report your speeding arrest?”
“Because I didn’t have a driver’s license.” (Miriam Kitmacher, Tucson, AZ)
9. Selective Hearing
“I Q-Tipped my ears last night and went too far. My alarm was on the left side of my head, and I didn’t hear it.” (From Reddit)
10. The Furnace Filter Fiasco
“I can’t go. I have to change the furnace filter.” (Debra Nelson, Hugo, MN)
11. School Amnesia
“I forgot I was at school.” (From Reddit)
12. The Sleep Clinic Irony
“I was an hour late for my appointment at the sleep-disorder clinic. My excuse: ‘I overslept.’” (Lou Fleury, Royal Oak, MI)
13. Teacher’s Pet Defender
“I lost my homework fighting a kid who said you weren’t the best teacher ever.” (From Reddit)
14. The Texas Two-Step
“I have to go home to get a warmer coat.” (Home was sunny Texas.) (Leon Hewson, Amidon, ND)
15. Dreaming of Work
“I’m going to be late because I dreamed I was at work, so I didn’t get up.” (From Reddit)
16. The Classic Dog Ate It—For Real
“My puppy actually ate my students’ homework. I gave them all 100s.” (Joanne Beer, Las Cruces, NM)
17. The Cross Country Conundrum
“I can’t do cross country today because I hurt my finger.” (From Reddit)
18. Dinner Date Dilemma
“Oh, I thought that was last night.” (Jim Godfrey, Freeport, FL)
Also read: The oldest restaurant in every state
19. Take Your Grandson to Work Day
“I forgot my ‘baby’ (bag of sugar) at home. It’s Take Your Grandson to Work Day.” (From Reddit)
20. The Snowplow Saga
“My homework fell into a pile of snow and was covered by a snowplow.” (Michael Lorinser, Prior Lake, MN)
21. The Hot Water Allergy
“I can’t wash the dishes. I’m allergic to hot water.” (From Reddit)
22. The Honest Mechanic
“Honestly, officer, I don’t think this piece of junk can go that fast.” (Arnie Maestas, Cumberland, ME)
23. The Email Paradox
“Sorry, teacher, I didn’t do my homework. I didn’t have internet.” (Sent via email.) (From Reddit)
24. The Late Train
“The train that gets me here 10 minutes late was 10 minutes late.” (Patricia Johnson, Brick, NJ)
25. The Phantom Train
“I was held up by the train.” (There hasn’t been a train on those tracks in decades.) (From Reddit)
26. The Melancholy Cat
“I can’t go to work today. My cat is depressed.” (Reddit)
27. The Crow Thief
“A crow stole my car keys.” (From Reddit)
28. The Perpetual Mover
“I was helping my parents move.” (Six weekends in a row.) (From Reddit)
29. The Sneezing Cat
My cat was sneezing.” (Reddit)
30. The Flaming Pool
“Be right back, guys, my pool’s on fire.” (From Reddit)
31. The Willful Granddaughter
“I’m missing the final to drive my grandma to the airport. Someone else could do it, but I want to.” (From Reddit)
32. The Furniture Emergency
“I have to go furniture shopping with my parents.” (From Reddit)
Also read: She was denied a degree in 1959 for being pregnant—has that finally changed after 66 years?
33. The Staircase Slip
“I fell on the stairs.” (Used multiple times.) (From Reddit)
34. The Rock Star Priorities
“I’m in a band. I don’t have time.” (From Reddit)
35. The Elephant Roadblock
“Barnum and Bailey’s circus was in town, and the elephant got loose and sat down in the middle of the road.” (From Reddit)
36. The Classic Plea
“Sorry, officer, I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to do that.” (From Reddit)
The Art of the Excuse: Why Do We Do It?
Let’s face it: making excuses is as old as time. From school days to the workplace, we’ve all tried to dodge a sticky situation with a little white lie (or a big, bold one).
Psychologists say excuses are a way to protect our self-esteem, avoid conflict, or just buy a little more time. But as these stories show, sometimes the excuse is so much better than the truth!
Read next: “What happened to carrying the one?” Dad’s math homework meltdown feels all too familiar
What’s the wildest excuse you’ve ever given—or heard? Did it work, or did it backfire spectacularly? Share your stories in the comments below!
But while most of us stick to the classics (“traffic was terrible!” or “I wasn’t feeling well”), some folks take the art of the excuse to a whole new, laugh-out-loud level.
At The GrayVine, we believe laughter is the best medicine—especially when it comes to the creative ways people try to wriggle out of life’s little responsibilities.
So, pour yourself a cup of coffee, settle in, and prepare to giggle your way through 37 of the funniest, most outrageous, and downright inventive excuses ever uttered. And don’t forget to share your own in the comments—because we know you’ve got a few gems up your sleeve!
1. The Family Affair Gone Wrong
“My cousin once called out of work because of a ‘death in the family.’ Since I was her boss, it was a pretty lame excuse.” (From Reddit)
2. High-Stakes Rent
“I only had half the rent. So I went up to the casino to try to double my money.” (Mikki Sams, Everett, WA)
3. The Great Towel Caper
“I’m not coming to work. Someone stole my towels from the laundry room, and I’m going to track them down.” (From Reddit)
4. Gymtimidation
“No, I need to lose a few pounds before I go back to the gym.” (Sandra Curran, Vero Beach, FL)
5. Quidditch Practice
“My high school classmates told a teacher they had to leave early for Quidditch practice. She let them go—she’d never heard of it!” (From Reddit)
6. Resurrection Blues
“My new hire said her mother died and needed time off. A week later, she said, ‘Good news: my mother came back to life. Bad news: she’s sick again, so I have to stay home.’” (Benjamin Weber, Cincinnati, OH)
7. The Crooked Muffler
“I can’t make it today. My muffler… is to the left.” (From Reddit)
Also read: Seniors swear by these surprising secrets to staying happy alone—Millennials can’t believe what they’ve been missing
8. The Technicality
“Why didn’t you report your speeding arrest?”
“Because I didn’t have a driver’s license.” (Miriam Kitmacher, Tucson, AZ)
9. Selective Hearing
“I Q-Tipped my ears last night and went too far. My alarm was on the left side of my head, and I didn’t hear it.” (From Reddit)
10. The Furnace Filter Fiasco
“I can’t go. I have to change the furnace filter.” (Debra Nelson, Hugo, MN)
11. School Amnesia
“I forgot I was at school.” (From Reddit)
12. The Sleep Clinic Irony
“I was an hour late for my appointment at the sleep-disorder clinic. My excuse: ‘I overslept.’” (Lou Fleury, Royal Oak, MI)
13. Teacher’s Pet Defender
“I lost my homework fighting a kid who said you weren’t the best teacher ever.” (From Reddit)
14. The Texas Two-Step
“I have to go home to get a warmer coat.” (Home was sunny Texas.) (Leon Hewson, Amidon, ND)
15. Dreaming of Work
“I’m going to be late because I dreamed I was at work, so I didn’t get up.” (From Reddit)
16. The Classic Dog Ate It—For Real
“My puppy actually ate my students’ homework. I gave them all 100s.” (Joanne Beer, Las Cruces, NM)
17. The Cross Country Conundrum
“I can’t do cross country today because I hurt my finger.” (From Reddit)
18. Dinner Date Dilemma
“Oh, I thought that was last night.” (Jim Godfrey, Freeport, FL)
Also read: The oldest restaurant in every state
19. Take Your Grandson to Work Day
“I forgot my ‘baby’ (bag of sugar) at home. It’s Take Your Grandson to Work Day.” (From Reddit)
20. The Snowplow Saga
“My homework fell into a pile of snow and was covered by a snowplow.” (Michael Lorinser, Prior Lake, MN)
21. The Hot Water Allergy
“I can’t wash the dishes. I’m allergic to hot water.” (From Reddit)
22. The Honest Mechanic
“Honestly, officer, I don’t think this piece of junk can go that fast.” (Arnie Maestas, Cumberland, ME)
23. The Email Paradox
“Sorry, teacher, I didn’t do my homework. I didn’t have internet.” (Sent via email.) (From Reddit)
24. The Late Train
“The train that gets me here 10 minutes late was 10 minutes late.” (Patricia Johnson, Brick, NJ)
25. The Phantom Train
“I was held up by the train.” (There hasn’t been a train on those tracks in decades.) (From Reddit)
26. The Melancholy Cat
“I can’t go to work today. My cat is depressed.” (Reddit)
27. The Crow Thief
“A crow stole my car keys.” (From Reddit)
28. The Perpetual Mover
“I was helping my parents move.” (Six weekends in a row.) (From Reddit)
29. The Sneezing Cat
My cat was sneezing.” (Reddit)
30. The Flaming Pool
“Be right back, guys, my pool’s on fire.” (From Reddit)
31. The Willful Granddaughter
“I’m missing the final to drive my grandma to the airport. Someone else could do it, but I want to.” (From Reddit)
32. The Furniture Emergency
“I have to go furniture shopping with my parents.” (From Reddit)
Also read: She was denied a degree in 1959 for being pregnant—has that finally changed after 66 years?
33. The Staircase Slip
“I fell on the stairs.” (Used multiple times.) (From Reddit)
34. The Rock Star Priorities
“I’m in a band. I don’t have time.” (From Reddit)
35. The Elephant Roadblock
“Barnum and Bailey’s circus was in town, and the elephant got loose and sat down in the middle of the road.” (From Reddit)
36. The Classic Plea
“Sorry, officer, I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to do that.” (From Reddit)
The Art of the Excuse: Why Do We Do It?
Let’s face it: making excuses is as old as time. From school days to the workplace, we’ve all tried to dodge a sticky situation with a little white lie (or a big, bold one).
Psychologists say excuses are a way to protect our self-esteem, avoid conflict, or just buy a little more time. But as these stories show, sometimes the excuse is so much better than the truth!
Read next: “What happened to carrying the one?” Dad’s math homework meltdown feels all too familiar
What’s the wildest excuse you’ve ever given—or heard? Did it work, or did it backfire spectacularly? Share your stories in the comments below!
