Front Porch Forum: "Should I say something after my kids completely ignored my retirement milestone?" (08/21/2025)

James Matthew Najera · Aug 21, 2025

Front Porch Forum: "Should I say something after my kids completely ignored my retirement milestone?" (08/21/2025)

Pull up a seat, GrayViners! “Celebrated Everyone But Me” gave four decades of hard work, only to feel invisible when retirement finally came. Hurt by a simple text where she’d hoped for a little recognition, she wonders: is it wrong to want more, or just natural to want to be seen?

Dear GrayVine,

Forty-one years. That’s how long I worked at the same company. I showed up early, stayed late, missed vacations, skipped lunches, and poured myself into a job I didn’t always love, but one I showed up for, every single day. I wasn’t expecting a parade or confetti when I retired, but I thought my kids might at least show up with cake.

Instead, all I got was a quick “Congrats” in the family group chat. No dinner. No flowers. No small gesture to mark the end of a very big chapter in my life. They’ve thrown celebrations for their friends’ promotions, coworkers’ engagements, and even the dog’s birthday. And yet, for their own mother,nothing.

I’ve always been their biggest cheerleader. But now that it’s my turn to be seen, it feels like I’ve faded into the background. I’m not looking for a party. I just want to know if they see me, if they care.

Is it petty to be hurt? Or is it just human?

Wondering where I stand,
Celebrated Everyone But Me

What do you think, GrayViners? Have you ever felt overlooked at a milestone moment, when you hoped for a little more recognition? How did you handle the disappointment while still keeping family bonds strong? Drop your advice and stories below. And if you’re carrying your own dilemma, start a conversation here.

angib55 · Aug 21, 2025

l know the feeling and mine have been hurt too. l have always made big deals of birthdays/anniversaries-my husband daughter SIL grandsons and step kids. When l turned 70 in April, l was hoping for something but didn't get anything. No cards cakes nothing. My husband did take me to dinner but that was it. l felt and still feel that my milestone was totally forgotten

NIBOR0 · Aug 21, 2025

I feel so bad for you. You should have been recognized by your work and your family. It really sucks that they wouldn't go out of their way for an occasion such as this. This is one reason why I always send my Mom tulips on Mother's Day and a gift on her birthday. Getting the tulips is sometimes problamatic but I always come through. This year she was able to save the bulbs and is so excited to see if they bloom next year. I get her the Word of the Day calendar every year for Christmas and she absolutely loves it. My Mother is 82 years old and I know she doesn't have a whole lot of time left. We talk on the phone weekly and often our conversations go for over an hour. We always find something to talk about. I feel blessed to still have her in my life. I just wish I lived closer as I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing her anytime soon and I can't afford the trip.

TriciaR · Aug 21, 2025

angib55 said:
l know the feeling and mine have been hurt too. l have always made big deals of birthdays/anniversaries-my husband daughter SIL grandsons and step kids. When l turned 70 in April, l was hoping for something but didn't get anything. No cards cakes nothing. My husband did take me to dinner but that was it. l felt and still feel that my milestone was totally forgotten

Thank you for sharing that with us @angib55 . It must have been so disappointing to have such a special milestone pass by without the acknowledgement you were hoping for—especially after all the times you’ve celebrated others so thoughtfully. I can understand why those feelings linger. I’m glad your husband at least took you to dinner, but birthdays like a 70th truly deserve more than just the bare minimum. Do you think you might let your family know how much it hurt, or would you rather let it be?

TriciaR · Aug 21, 2025

NIBOR0 said:
I feel so bad for you. You should have been recognized by your work and your family. It really sucks that they wouldn't go out of their way for an occasion such as this. This is one reason why I always send my Mom tulips on Mother's Day and a gift on her birthday. Getting the tulips is sometimes problamatic but I always come through. This year she was able to save the bulbs and is so excited to see if they bloom next year. I get her the Word of the Day calendar every year for Christmas and she absolutely loves it. My Mother is 82 years old and I know she doesn't have a whole lot of time left. We talk on the phone weekly and often our conversations go for over an hour. We always find something to talk about. I feel blessed to still have her in my life. I just wish I lived closer as I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing her anytime soon and I can't afford the trip.

Thank you for sharing this @NIBOR0 — it really shows how much you cherish your mom and make sure she feels celebrated and remembered. I love the tradition of tulips, especially with her saving the bulbs to see them bloom next year—that’s such a beautiful, lasting gift. And the Word of the Day calendar is such a fun and thoughtful touch! It’s clear how much love is in the little traditions you’ve built together. I imagine those weekly phone calls mean the world to her, even if you can’t be there in person. Do you have any other little traditions you share with her that bring you both joy?

Gayle B. · Aug 21, 2025

My story isn’t the same but we feel the same pain. We married 53 years come Sep 10, 1972. My parents made it special for us with my dad giving me away and my 2 brothers. My older brother was the best man and my younger brother as a groomsman. Nobody mentioned anything when we had our 25th anniversary nor our 50th anniversary. We didn’t have children but we thought the rest of the family would have kept us in mind on our special occasions. Nope! All of our parents have passed. I have a feeling that our 75th will come and go without acknowledgment. It’s left a hole in my heart and soul.

TriciaR · Aug 25, 2025

Gayle B. said:
My story isn’t the same but we feel the same pain. We married 53 years come Sep 10, 1972. My parents made it special for us with my dad giving me away and my 2 brothers. My older brother was the best man and my younger brother as a groomsman. Nobody mentioned anything when we had our 25th anniversary nor our 50th anniversary. We didn’t have children but we thought the rest of the family would have kept us in mind on our special occasions. Nope! All of our parents have passed. I have a feeling that our 75th will come and go without acknowledgment. It’s left a hole in my heart and soul.

Thank you for opening up and sharing your story @Gayle B. . Fifty-three years of marriage is such an incredible milestone, and it’s heartbreaking to hear that your 25th and 50th anniversaries weren’t acknowledged the way they should have been. It’s understandable that it leaves such a deep ache, especially after all the special memories from your wedding day with your family around you. Even without children, the love and commitment you and your partner have shown for over five decades is something truly worth celebrating. Have you and your spouse ever thought about creating your own way of marking these anniversaries—just the two of you—so that the specialness doesn’t depend on others remembering?

Gayle B. · Aug 25, 2025

TriciaR said:
Thank you for opening up and sharing your story @Gayle B. . Fifty-three years of marriage is such an incredible milestone, and it’s heartbreaking to hear that your 25th and 50th anniversaries weren’t acknowledged the way they should have been. It’s understandable that it leaves such a deep ache, especially after all the special memories from your wedding day with your family around you. Even without children, the love and commitment you and your partner have shown for over five decades is something truly worth celebrating. Have you and your spouse ever thought about creating your own way of marking these anniversaries—just the two of you—so that the specialness doesn’t depend on others remembering?

We make our own celebrations. We were married on September 10. We acknowledge that every month on the 10th. We do a little something special each month. Sometimes it’s just slipping a short love note in a shirt or pant pocket. Just so we can remember the day. On our actual anniversary date, we send out for a meal at a steakhouse and a caramel pie from Kitchen Pie company. It’s seems like the best way for us since we can no longer drive. It’s much more difficult to hire a medical transport van than the cost of a delivery.! This works out well for us!

TriciaR · Aug 27, 2025

Gayle B. said:
We make our own celebrations. We were married on September 10. We acknowledge that every month on the 10th. We do a little something special each month. Sometimes it’s just slipping a short love note in a shirt or pant pocket. Just so we can remember the day. On our actual anniversary date, we send out for a meal at a steakhouse and a caramel pie from Kitchen Pie company. It’s seems like the best way for us since we can no longer drive. It’s much more difficult to hire a medical transport van than the cost of a delivery.! This works out well for us!

I absolutely love the way you and your spouse celebrate each month—it’s such a beautiful reminder that love lives in the little gestures as much as the big ones. Slipping a note into a pocket is such a sweet idea, and I can imagine how meaningful those surprises must feel. Your anniversary tradition with a steakhouse meal and that caramel pie sounds perfect, too—it’s wonderful that you’ve found a way to make it special and joyful, even without the hassle of travelling. It really shows how celebration is about connection, not crowds. Has the caramel pie become a yearly favorite that you both look forward to?

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