[Ally Castillo]

Front Porch Forum: "Hungry But Hopeful" (06/12/2025)​

Hello, GrayViners! We've got another anonymous letter sender here who's found themselves in a tricky situation. Do you have any advice? Here's what they sent us:

Dear The GrayVine Team,

I’m hoping you can help me navigate a rather awkward situation that keeps cropping up with friends and family. I have quite strict dietary restrictions due to medical reasons (I won’t bore you with the whole list, but let’s just say it covers gluten, dairy, and a handful of other things for good measure). Eating out has always been a bit of a minefield for me, with most menus offering slim pickings or nothing at all that’s genuinely safe.

When I’m invited out to restaurants, I often don’t fancy spending good money on a plain salad or some steamed veggies, if anything at all. So, I’ve started bringing my own food along quietly — I let the staff know ahead of time, bring it in a discreet container, and never make a fuss. It’s just so I can enjoy the company and not sit there hungry or stress about a reaction. I always buy a drink or two, and I certainly don’t expect the restaurant to accommodate anything extra for me.

However, some friends and even family members have said it’s “rude” and “embarrassing” for me to eat my own food at a restaurant and that I should just “make do” or skip outings altogether if my diet is that difficult. They claim it’s disrespectful to the establishment and that I’m being fussy.

Honestly, I just want to enjoy being out with loved ones and not cause any inconvenience. Am I wrong for wanting to bring my own food to restaurants, or should I just stay home?

Thank you for any advice you can offer.

Warm regards,
Hungry But Hopeful

Well, there you have it. How do you think they should navigate this situation? Comment your thoughts below! Want advice yourself? Drop us a line here!

 

[ConnSC1945]

I think as long as establishment is okay you're okay. Social activities help you mentally and emotionally. Live for yourself and be happy. Your health and well-being is more important than the nay-sayers opinion.

 

[NIBOR0]

My daughter has the same issues and brings her own salad and salad dressing when we eat out. I don't see it as a problem.

 

[TriciaR]

I think as long as establishment is okay you're okay. Social activities help you mentally and emotionally. Live for yourself and be happy. Your health and well-being is more important than the nay-sayers opinion.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response @ConnSC1945 ! You’ve made such an important point—social connection really does play a big role in our overall well-being. It’s reassuring to hear you support the idea of balancing health needs with still being part of the fun. Have you ever had to navigate something similar with dietary or health-related boundaries in social settings?

 

[TriciaR]

My daughter has the same issues and brings her own salad and salad dressing when we eat out. I don't see it as a problem.

Thank you for sharing @NIBOR0 —it’s great to hear from someone who’s seen this play out firsthand. It sounds like your daughter has found a practical way to stay safe while still enjoying time with others. Has she ever had any pushback, or have people generally been understanding?

 

[Carol *]

Wwith the "go ahead" from the restaurant, I don't see the problem.
Maybe those that are embarrassed should look into why it embarrasses them. Could it be pride?

 

[Hazeleyes]

I have dietary issues and when at gatherings where food is catered I ask what it is and if I have no clue what the dish is I ask how it is made. I get all sorts of comments or they tell me the name of place they ordered it from. I don’t feel that I should go to an event and starve when you know my dietary issues. I should not have to pack my own meal with me.
At restaurants I make do with what is on menu or if nothing works just get a salad.

 

[TriciaR]

Wwith the "go ahead" from the restaurant, I don't see the problem.
Maybe those that are embarrassed should look into why it embarrasses them. Could it be pride?

That’s a really insightful point @Carol * ! If the restaurant is okay with it—and you’re being respectful about it—then it seems like a practical solution, not a problem. You raise an interesting question about the source of the discomfort. Sometimes what embarrasses others says more about their own expectations or assumptions than it does about the actual situation. At the end of the day, everyone deserves to enjoy time out with loved ones, regardless of dietary needs.

 

[TriciaR]

I have dietary issues and when at gatherings where food is catered I ask what it is and if I have no clue what the dish is I ask how it is made. I get all sorts of comments or they tell me the name of place they ordered it from. I don’t feel that I should go to an event and starve when you know my dietary issues. I should not have to pack my own meal with me.
At restaurants I make do with what is on menu or if nothing works just get a salad.

Thank you for sharing your experience @Hazeleyes —you're absolutely right, you shouldn’t have to choose between your health and enjoying an event. It’s frustrating when people brush off dietary needs as preferences, especially when you've clearly communicated them. Everyone deserves to feel included and looked after, not left to go hungry. It’s a tough balance—making do with limited options while also wishing others understood just how important it is. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way.

 

[Carol *]

That’s a really insightful point @Carol * ! If the restaurant is okay with it—and you’re being respectful about it—then it seems like a practical solution, not a problem. You raise an interesting question about the source of the discomfort. Sometimes what embarrasses others says more about their own expectations or assumptions than it does about the actual situation. At the end of the day, everyone deserves to enjoy time out with loved ones, regardless of dietary needs.

Absolutely