Dear TGV,
My granddaughter is getting married this fall. From the moment I heard, I imagined the little ways I might be part of it. Not anything big. Just being there for the small, quiet moments, helping her pick out a dress, flipping through old family photos together, maybe hearing her say, “Grandma, what song did you and Grandpa dance to at your wedding?”
But those moments never came.
I did not even hear she was engaged from her. I found out through a group text. No phone call. No visit. Since then, I have pieced together her wedding plans from Facebook posts, passing comments from my daughter, or by overhearing something across the dinner table.
It is harder because I am on the West Coast and she is on the East Coast, but I would drop everything to be there if she asked. I already have her gift picked out, something from our family history I thought she might treasure, but it is just sitting in my closet, gathering dust. I keep my schedule clear, telling myself maybe she will call and say, “Come, I need you for this.” The phone never rings.
Sometimes I see a photo of her at a bridal shop, laughing with her friends, and I wonder if she ever thought to send me a picture. I hear about the cake flavors she is trying, the flowers she has chosen, the venue she has booked, always after the fact, never from her lips. I have even sent her little messages to let her know I am thinking of her, and sometimes they go unanswered.
I cannot stop thinking about how close we once were. When she was little, we had “fancy tea parties” with mismatched cups and animal crackers. She used to slip little notes into my purse, calling me her best friend. At family gatherings, she would run straight to me. Now, I am not sure she would notice if I slipped out early. I keep wondering if I did something to lose my place in her life, or if it just happened without either of us realizing.
I know she has grown up. I know her life is busy and full. But I did not think I would ever feel like just another name on the guest list.
Do I say something? Do I smile and swallow it, and hope she never notices the lump in my throat? Or do I tell her, gently, that I wanted to be part of more than just her wedding day?
Best,
Left Out Of The Big Day
